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Dallas Divorce Attorneys, Mark Nacol and Julian Nacol
Based in Dallas, Texas, the Nacol Law Firm PC, traces its roots to the firm of Mark A. Nacol and Associates PC, established in 1979. The Nacol Law Firm team shares its experience on a variety of legal topics here. See our recent posts below.
Step-parent Conflict: Put the Kids First
Thirty seven percent of families in the United States are blended families. Sixty percent of second marriages end in divorce. A biological parent has his hands full, but as most step-parents will tell you, their job is even more complicated.
Following a divorce, it is not uncommon for a new step-parent to become the target of unprovoked spite or anger. In many cases, the previous-spouse harbors unfounded fears that their child will look to a new step-parent as a mother or father replacement figure. This can engender resentment to what may already be an uncomfortable situation between parties. Regretfully, these issues often escalate very quickly. Such resentments place the children squarely in the middle of a bitter fight between the people they love the most and are not healthy for anyone involved. The pain of conflicting loyalties to each parent and a child’s feeling of being “caught in the middle” of such disputes exacts an enormous emotional toll on a child. When a parent is in a rage, it is not uncommon for a child to withdraw. The child’s behavior towards the non-primary parent may abruptly change. This change in behavior may have more to do with keeping the primary parent happy than it does with how they really feel about the non-primary parent or step-parent. It is essential that you make it clear to your child that you love them and will always be there for them, regardless of the emotional or less than rosy current circumstances.
It is crucial to a child’s self-esteem and emotional growth that parents avoid putting children in the middle of such disputes. This can be incredibly difficult, however, when a selfish or manipulative parent does not think twice about wrongfully placing his or her child in the middle of conflict. Children are very perceptive and as they grow older they will ultimately realize when a parent has lied to them and used them for their own emotional or financial gain. Though they may temporarily identify with the aggressors, in time they will deeply resent the parent who has manipulated them.
Regardless of the circumstances, it is critical that biological parents avoid arguments or conflicts in the presence of the children. Such conduct is conducive to parental alienation goals of the misguided previous spouse. If the child sees that you maintain a calm and collected demeanor, it gives them reason to pause and feel safe.
If a previous spouse is making statements to the child regarding issues that should only be discussed between adults, tell the child that such discussions are inappropriate and you will take them up with the other parent at another time.
It is ok to tell your child “I am sorry,” if they are upset, even if you are not the parent upsetting them. This validates that they are hurting and relieves any false guilt they may have over things that are being said and done when you are not present. It is sometimes helpful to use everyday situations to explain conflict to your child. As an example, when dealing with conflict explain that “brothers and sisters fight, but they still love each other. Families have to work through conflict in order to stay together. I would not leave you if you made a mistake, I would not want you to leave me.” Such statements reinforces that reasonable conflict is ok and assures the child that you will remain a constant force in their life regardless of the situation.
If you feel that the conflict has escalated to a point of becoming emotionally abusive and/or destructive to the child, consult an attorney. It may be in the best interest of the child that he or she be removed from the primary parent and placed with the non-primary parent so that he or she is allowed to love all parental figures, parents and step-parents alike, unconditionally.
Prenuptial Agreements in Texas
A prenuptial agreement is a contract entered into by the parties prior to a marriage or civil union. The content of a prenuptial agreement can vary widely, but commonly includes provisions for division of property and spousal support in the event of divorce or breakup of the marriage. They may also include terms for guardianship and the forfeiture of assets as a result of divorce on the grounds of adultery, cruelty or legal abandonment. Laws vary between states and countries on how to draft prenuptial agreements. In the United States prenuptial agreements are recognized in all fifty states, but must be drafted and executed properly.
More and more couples are signing prenuptial marriage agreements. The spouses are not just couples dealing with financial inequality or couples of great wealth. They are couples who want to put all their financial cards and related issues on the table before they walk down the aisle, often to avoid great expense and prolonged painful litigation should the marriage fail. The following is a partial list of pros regarding prenuptial agreements:
1. A premarital agreement can protect the inheritance rights of children and grandchildren from a previous marriage.
2. If you have your own business or professional practice, a premarital agreement can protect that interest so that the business or practice is not arbitrarily divided or unreasonably convoluted or subject to the control or involvement of your former spouse upon divorce.
3. If one spouse has significantly more debt than the other, a premarital agreement can protect the debt-free spouse from having to assume or be liable for the obligations of the other.
4. If you plan to give up a lucrative career after the marriage, a premarital agreement can ensure that you will be compensated for that sacrifice if the marriage does not last.
5. A premarital agreement can address more than the financial aspects of marriage, and can cover any of the details of decision-making and responsibility sharing to which the parties agree in advance.
6. A premarital agreement may limit or pre-structure, subject to court scrutiny, the amount of spousal support that one spouse will have to pay the other upon divorce.
7. A premarital agreement can protect the financial interests of older persons, persons who are entering into second or subsequent marriages, and persons with substantial wealth.
Prenuptial agreements are, at best, a partial solution to obviating some of the risks of marital property disputes in times of divorce. The following is a list of the possible pitfalls of a prenuptial agreement:
1. The agreement may require you to give up your right to inherit from your spouse’s estate when he or she dies. Under the law, you are entitled to a portion of the estate even if your spouse does not include such a provision in his or her will.
2. If you contribute to the continuing success and growth of your spouse’s business or professional practice by entertaining clients and taking care of the home, etc., thus allowing him or her to focus on professional endeavors, you may not be entitled to claim a share of the increase in value if you agree otherwise in a premarital agreement. Under the laws of many states, this increase in value would be considered divisible marital property.
3. Starting a relationship with a contract that sets forth the particulars of what will happen upon death or divorce can undermine the sense of trust one wishes for upon marriage.
4. As mentioned above, a contract can take the wind out of your emotional sails.
5. It can be difficult to accurately project into the future which potential issues should be addressed, and what may seem like an inconsequential compromise in the romantic premarital period may seem more monumental and burdensome in reality.
6. A low- or non-wage-earning spouse may not be able to sustain the lifestyle to which he or she has become accustomed during the marriage if the agreement substantially limits property division by the court or the amount of spousal support to which that spouse is entitled.
7. In the “honeymoon” stage of a relationship, one spouse may agree to terms that are not in his or her best interests because he or she is “too in love” to be concerned about the financial aspects and can’t imagine the union coming to an untimely end.
For professional legal counsel on Texas laws on prenuptial agreements in the DFW Metroplex area, contact Dallas family law attorney Mark Nacol.
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Attorney Mark A. Nacol is board certified in Civil Trial Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization