Recurring Wrongful Conduct : Violations of Holiday Visitation Access
The holidays can be very frustrating times for both spouses when undergoing divorce proceedings that involve custody issues with children and one spouse acts in bad faith or arbitrarily. If a spouse violates a temporary custody order, he or she may not face consequences at the time but must explain their actions to a district judge in the future.
If a temporary custody order describes in detail the periods of possession during the Christmas holiday, the order is binding on both spouses. The temporary custody order is binding civilly and NOT criminally per se. This is an important distinction to understand before you decide to call the police. Family law matters, with notable exceptions such as domestic violence and protective orders, are generally governed in civil and not criminal courts. Because temporary custody orders involving children are governed by civil courts, a police officer has no immediate basis to enforce the civil order.
If your spouse refuses to release your child to you at the prescribed time mandated in the temporary custody order, there are certain things that you should do to insure this wrongful conduct properly is documented for future civil contempt proceedings.
- Call the police!!! Many police departments will not respond because temporary custody orders are not criminally enforceable, but if the police department decides to respond then you may request a police report to be filed noting that your spouse deliberately violated the temporary custody order. This may be used in Court to persuade the judge to hold your spouse in civil contempt or validate your properly made demand for access in accordance with your temporary order.
- Save and preserve any text messages, emails, letters, or recorded phone calls that demonstrate and reaffirm your spouse’s refusal to deliver your children into your custody during the holiday or other allotted time in your visitation order.
- Call your attorney and notify him of your spouse’s refusal to deliver the children to you.
- Do not be tricked or cohered into a physical confrontation with your soon to be ex-spouse!!!
By completing these four tasks you will be gathering and preserving evidence to hold your spouse in civil contempt of Court. After the Christmas Holiday season or other access periods are over, your lawyer with your consent will file a motion to hold your spouse in contempt of Court for violation of the temporary custody order. If your spouse is found in civil contempt of Court, he or she may be fined, ordered to jail for up to 180 days until the fine and attorney fees are paid, and the violation may be a solid basis to favorably modify the previous temporary custody orders. Such rulings are at the judge’s discretion.
Though you may feel helpless at the time, justice may be achieved through the District Courts in the form of civil or contempt sanctions. Judges usually look down on a spouse that blatantly violates temporary custody orders especially during Christmas or other special holidays. Just relax and be patience if your spouse refuses to deliver the children to you and document the conduct. Justice may take time but in the end, it is usually affirmed.
Julian Nacol, attorney
The Nacol Law Firm P.C.
8144 Walnut Hill Lane
Suite 1190
Dallas, Texas 75231
(972) 690-3333
Serious Signs That you May Be Headed Toward a Divorce
When the warning signs of a fractured relationship with your spouse have been surfacing for quite a while, many people are still caught off guard when their spouse asks for “The Divorce”. Although the husband may cause marriage problems, about 75% of divorces are initiated by the wife.
Usually one spouse is in shock/denial and may want to truly try to salvage the marriage. At times a spouse will try to blame the other spouse of being a quitter for wanting to be legally released from an unacceptable marriage. Often the non-initiating spouse is at the point where it is a relief that “The Divorce” question has surfaced and will readily agree that divorce is the right option.
Marriage and family is not an easy proposition at times and sometimes it is easier to just say goodbye and return to single life. But if you truly love your spouse and family you should look at the warning signs and try to change the direction of the marriage. Every relationship has its up and downs and needs new considerations at times. Take time to review your relationship and catch early warning signs that the marriage may be running off its tracks.
What are some serious signs that you and your spouse could be headed for a DIVORCE?
- Spouse interaction is more negative than positive: Marriage researcher, Dr. John Gottman researched the negative/positive effect and found that stable marriages have 5:1 ratio of positivity to negativity during conflict. Whereas unstable marriages have .8:1 ratio of positivity to negativity during conflict (Gottman & Levenson 1999). The acceleration of verbal criticism, nagging, and sarcasm in a relationship can be a definite sign that there is trouble in the marriage.
- Stonewalling when “you can’t break down the wall”: Stonewalling is a refusal to communicate or cooperate through body language or verbally shutting down when a situation with your spouse gets out of control and you don’t know how to handle the situation. This is very serious and may be the time to bring in a marriage counselor to help work through this problem.
- No Conflict Resolution: Marriage researcher, John Gottman, states that the lack of communication isn’t the marriage breaker but the lack of effective conflict resolution. This is a very serious problem when couples can’t reasonably work out their differences without causing injury to their relationship and finally quit communicating with each other to avoid more disagreement and conflict.
Other times one spouse or both have reached the point where every conflict has become a situation that must be “won” by bullying the other spouse into submission. There must be a “winner” but with this win comes mutual loss of respect, increasing distance and eventual withdrawal from the relationship. - Emotional and Physical Disengagement and Disaffection: When couples can’t communicate, they will find different avenues for emotional engagements. Many neglected spouses will look out of the marriage at other values or priorities that helps them feel connected. A new religion, lifestyle, or job opportunity that the other spouse would never agree with can now be a reality for them.
Emotional Disengagement is usually accompanied by withdrawal of affection. Couples in a divorce situation consider themselves “fallen out of love” with their spouse. - Sudden Change in Behavior? Has your partner suddenly started caring more about their appearance and spending more time “away from” home. Or more time is spent with their children and instead of “our marriage” everything is centered around “our children”?
Has your sex life disappeared? This is a good indicator that your emotional disengagement is advancing steadily and the spouses take no pleasure in each other. These are serious signals of rapidly eroding bonds in your marriage if not in a terminal state. - Preparation for the “Single Life”: As people get tired of dealing with each other and the total indifference of the relationship, they will start living parallel lives and finally dissolve their personal relationship. Many couples heading for divorce will take up new habits and friends that differ from their spouses. New social networks will be centered around a single lifestyle.
Sounds like your current life with your spouse? DON’T GIVE UP YET! IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO SALVAGE A FADING MARRIAGE! If people will realize that a marriage is not perfect and there will be conflict a certain percentage of time. Concentrate on working out a solution together to have a positive, loving relationship that can withstand the bad times. Just Remember: there was some spark that drew you to your spouse. Try to find it again or divorce.
Texas Divorce / Texas Child Support Questions and Answers
Q: How Much Is Texas Child Support ?
A: See our Infographic Below
Q: How long is the divorce process ?
A: In a Texas divorce there is a waiting period of a minimum of 60 days from the time you file the Original Petition commencing the lawsuit to the time the divorce may be finalized. Few divorces are finalized in this time-period. It is more likely that an uncontested divorce will take approximately 3 to 6 months and a contested divorce will likely will take much longer depending on the issues and conduct of the parties.
Q: Do my spouse and I both have to hire attorneys?
A: No. But it is certainly in your best interest to hire an attorney for a consultation purposes and to review legal documents for your own protection. An attorney should not in the vast majority of cases represent both parties, so if one attorney is involved he or she will under law be looking out for the best interest of the client that hired him/her, while the other party is representing themselves (pro se).
Q: Will I have to go to court?
A: If the spouses reach agreement, one party will have to appear in Court. Often times, when the parties have worked out their own settlement, that agreement is signed by each of you and submitted to the court with only one party making a personal appearance to state to the Court that the agreement has been reached and to establish statutory requirements. If, on the other hand, you and your spouse cannot come to an amicable settlement through this process, you will both have to appear in court, and often on many occasions.
Q: Should I Move Out of the Marital Residence?
A: Be sure to consult with an attorney before leaving the marital residence. Leaving the home may be viewed as abandonment or actually declaring a new residence, especially if you are taking personal items with you (clothing, automobile, sentimental possessions, etc.). If children are involved issues may arise as to who currently has or should have primary possession of the children. Once you have voluntarily left the home, it may be difficult to move back in or obtain orders for primary or temporary possession.
Q: How Do I Get a Divorce?
A: Before getting divorced you or you and your spouse should decide that you absolutely want and need the divorce. Even though in the divorce process prior to final judgment everything is reversible, it is important that you realize that the road is sometimes very long and can be a difficult one to travel.
Q: What if I Do Not Want a Divorce?
A: The advent of a divorce is something that slowly builds. You may want to consult with your spouse about placing things on hold while you receive counseling. However, the need for a divorce is rarely something that happens over night. Your spouse may have made his or her mind up long ago that divorce is the only option. If your spouse has filed for divorce, you have no choice. The most important thing for you to do if your spouse has filed for divorce is promptly seek proper legal advice.
If your spouse has significant assets and you feel they may be considering divorce seek legal advice immediately. You may want to do some pre-planning to make sure you have complete copies of original and final documents and know where all the marital assets are located and to assure their status. Do not give your spouse time to stash, spend away and/or hide assets.
Q: Can You Modify Child Support Orders?
A: Making changes to an existing child support order is not uncommon. Most states will not allow a request for modification on a child support order unless a time-period (of 2 to 4 years depending on the state) has passed since the order was put into place. Keep in mind that child support orders cannot be increased or decreased on a whim. In Texas, you must show a change in circumstances. However, if the person paying child support’s income has gone up or down more than 25% you can request a change. IMPORTANT NOTE: If you agree to no child support in your first order (Final Decree) and your spouse has a significant income at that time, you may have waived a statutory right to future child support unless the income level at the time of the existing order increases or decreases significantly.
Q: Can I Deny My Ex-spouse Visitation, Possession or Access?
A: You can not and should not deny visitation or possession, unless the Court has modified the visitation or possession to allow it! Denying visitation or possession is one of the biggest mistakes made by most primary custodial parents – it is an act of contempt in Texas. You may believe you have a justifiable reason for denying the visitation or possession rights, but by law your are not permitted to do so absent extraordinary circumstances, usually involving gross neglect or physical abuse.
Q: How Do I Get Custody of My Child(ren)?
A: The first and most important step to getting custody of your child(ren) is to be an involved and hands-on parent and to be honest. Being a great parent is not always the easiest task during divorce, but it is important to carefully consider each and every action you take during a divorce and how it may or may not effect the child(ren). You will also need good legal representation. Child custody issues can become ugly and complicated no matter how good your intentions may be. Make sure you are prepared. Document everything.
Q: What if I Do Not Like the Judges Decision?
A: The purpose of the ruling is to establish what exactly should be stated in the Final Divorce Decree. Once the attorneys have drafted the Final Divorce Decree and both parties have agreed that it coincides with the ruling, it will be presented to the Judge for signing. Once the parties have agreed and signatures are signed, you will have to live with the decisions. If the divorce is highly contested and the Judge rules and you are unhappy with the results, you have only a small window to appeal the decision or request a new trial.
Q: What is Fair Spousal Support or Alimony?
A: If you and your spouse can not come to agreement on the need for or amount of spousal support to be paid, the length of time, and under what conditions, the spousal support will most likely be set by a Judge according to Texas law.
Interstate Jurisdiction : Child Custody across State Lines
During the Holiday season many Texas parents become very concerned over sending their child to the non-primary conservator parent’s home for a visit. Many Children will cross state lines to see their non-primary conservator parent and there is always a fear that the child may not be returned to his/her home state. What can you do if this does happen?
The State of Texas follows a uniform law regarding determination of appropriate state jurisdiction in custody matters known as the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act (UCCJEA), and related statutes which enforce or set procedures regarding proper jurisdiction such as the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act. Texas has adopted these statutes. The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Enforcement Act defines which state has or may maintain jurisdiction in a particular case and often mandates that other states recognize decisions handed down by the state determined to have jurisdiction.
The Act states, among other things, that a court may rule on custody issues if the Child:
• Has continually lived in a home state for 6 months or longer
• Was living in the state before being wrongfully taken elsewhere by a parent seeking custody in another state
• Has an established relationship with people (family, relatives or teachers), ties, and attachments in the state
• Has been abandoned: or is safe in current state, but could be in danger of neglect or abuse in the home state
How can Continuing Exclusive Jurisdiction be lost?
1. When A Texas Court determines that neither the child, or a child and one parent have a significant contact with Texas, and substantial evidence is no longer available in Texas concerning the child’s care, protection, and personal relationships
2. Texas or another state determines that the child and the child parents do not presently reside in Texas.
What about Jurisdiction to Modify an Existing Order?
In the absence of temporary emergency jurisdiction, Texas cannot modify a child custody decision made by another state’s court unless or until a court of this state has jurisdiction to make an initial custody determination and one of the following occurs:
1. Another State determines it no longer has continuing jurisdiction or finds that Texas would be a more convenient forum.
2. A court determines that the child and the child’s parents do not presently reside in the other state.
What about Temporary Emergency Jurisdiction?
Temporary emergency jurisdiction is reserved for very extraordinary circumstances. The court has and may assert jurisdiction only when a child is present in the state and has been abandoned or is in need of protection because of a threat or subjected the child to mistreatment or abuse.
When involved in an international child custody case where the child has been abducted or is wrongfully retained, the issue may be determined if the International Child Abduction Remedies Act, 12 USC Section 11.601-11610, of the Hague Convention, is applicable. If so, The US State Department Office of Citizen & Counselor Services should be contacted or any attorney may file suit for return of the child.
These interstate jurisdiction cases are very intensive. Get to a knowledgeable interstate jurisdiction attorney and assert your rights quickly. Protect you and your child’s rights to have a normal child/parent relationship without the fear of abduction!
What to Consider if you are Served with a Divorce Petition, Citation, or Notice to Appear
A divorce proceeding is a difficult time for all parties involved. It is scary to be “served” with a petition for divorce. Fear, anxiety, and confusion are just some of the emotions that go through one’s mind when reading and absorbing an official Court document stating that a spouse wishes to end the relationship. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you are served.
First, it is not the total end of the world. Do not give into immediate impulses and passions or fall prey to threatening or aggressive messages. Remember anything you say or do, especially in messages, texts or emails, may be used against you at Court. Do not give your spouse free arguments for the divorce.
Second, DO NOT use social media to vent frustration or talk about the divorce. Anything you write to third parties on social media may and will be used against you in Court. It may be hard but for your own benefit do not engage in frustrated tirades regarding your spouse on Facebook.
Third, find an experienced attorney, especially if children are involved. Be smart. It is not always prudent to hire a lawyer based on what appears to be the best financial deal possible when your children and possessions are at stake. The old axiom “you get what you pay for” is true when it comes to legal representation.
Fourth, be wary of Pro Se representation. Pro Se means that you have chosen to represent yourself in the divorce case. This may end very badly for you. Many people believe that if they research enough and familiarize themselves with the Texas Family Law Code they just might be able to receive a good outcome and drive up the attorney cost for the other spouse. Attorneys go to school for many years for a reason. The outcomes for Pro Se clients are not usually good and do not be tricked into taking on an inexperienced attorney to save money.
Fifth, save all hateful and scandalous remarks made by your spouse that have been emailed, texted, posted on social media or any other proof that can be saved against your spouse. Delete Nothing! Allow your spouse to dig his/her own hole. All of both spouse’s comments may be used in Court.
Finally, do not listen to your Spouse about any type of perceived legal outcomes. “I talked to a lawyer and he said you better sign this or I will get everything…”. This is common in family law. Do not fall for the trap, seek experienced representation and let the lawyer deal with your spouse or your spouse’s attorney. Do not be tricked into settling or giving up your children or possessions without competent assistance and advice from legal counsel.
Follow this advice and it will greatly help your probabilities with obtaining a favorable and fair outcome in your divorce case.
NACOL LAW FIRM P.C.
8144 Walnut Hill Lane
Suite 1190
Dallas, Texas 75231
972-690-3333
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Friday, 8:30am – 5pm
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Attorney Mark A. Nacol is board certified in Civil Trial Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization