Getting a Texas Divorce with a Narcissist
What is a narcissist? Narcissistic Personality Disorder or ‘NPD” is a mental disorder where the person has very inflated self-esteem issue and a serious need for admiration and special treatment from other people. Typical arrogant behavior and lack of empathy for other people causes many problems in all emotional areas of their lives and relationships.
Narcissists are also very aggressive and usually have impulsive tendencies, dangerous lifestyles involving cockiness, selfishness, manipulation and power motives. These individuals are usually very exciting personalities at first meeting, but later cause unfulfilling relationships resulting in anxiety and depression at the end of the day.
You have met the “most exciting” person in the world who has self-esteem problems and can’t get along with anyone, including you! The big problem is that you married this person and now you MUST FIND A SOLUTION TO THIS SITUATION AND GET A DIVORCE!
The marriage adventure is over. Your married life to your narcissist was a total disaster and you know that you need to get a divorce. Are you frightened that you could very well lose everything in this divorce from hell since you may lack the manipulating skills that your narcissist spouse skillfully uses on all aspects of his/her manipulative lifestyle?
Before you start the Divorce battle with your narcissist, you must “Stop Feeling and Start Thinking”! You have been emotionally battered and mutilated for years by this spouse, but now is the time to take over your life and your children’s lives and decide that Your family DOES NOT AND WILL NOT TAKE THIS ABUSE ANYMORE FROM YOUR SPOUSE!
Here are some tips on planning your exit from this marriage and Win control of your life and your family lives.
- BE PREPARED! If you are thinking of going through with this divorce, start your preparations now! You need total knowledge of your family’s financial situation. On our website you can pull off a blog “Texas Divorce Financial Checklist” (http://www.divorcedallastx.com/texas-divorce-financial-checklist/) which will give you a guideline on your financial information needed. Update this information immediately. Know who makes what and where all monies and assets are located. All banking and account information should be update for correct account numbers and balances. This will help you determine how much money you will need to live on and what you can plan on your part of the assets. This will also give you an idea on what funds you can use to hire a competent attorney to help you get through the divorce.
- RESEARCH PRIORITY ISSUES! Educate yourself on divorce issues, such as child custody and visitation, who gets the house, property separation, spousal maintenance and child support in your state. Prioritize what is important to you and prepare questions to ask an attorney on what your expectations should be. All or nothing does not work. Set Reasonable goals.
- START INTERVIEWING ATTORNEYS to find a good match to help you through this complicated divorce. Look for an attorney who deals with difficult family law cases concerning emotional/domestic abuse, high conflict individuals, or contested child custody. Even if you are served divorce papers, take your time finding an experienced attorney who will be your advocate in the divorce. DO NOT HIRE A NARCISSIST ATTORNEY! This would be a disaster!
- Help Plan your Divorce Game plan! No one knows your Narcissist spouse or family situation better than you. What arguments/facts will they come up with to hurt your position? Discuss your entire situation with you attorney and work together on your divorce approach. Your attorney will help you determine your final goals through experience from his previous experience in such matters.
- STAY REASONABLE AND TRY TO KEEP EMOTIONS STEADY! Don’t let your narcissist spouse turn you into a narcissist! You cannot win this way! Think logical, use true facts, and don’t go overboard financially battling with him/her. If this gets settled, goes to mediation, or ever a jury trial, it will be over and you will greatly improve your life.
You married a Narcissist and now you are divorcing him/her. You must be prepared knowing that your spouse will now be able to participate in the greatest show of their lives, “THE DIVORCE”. Your spouse will try to show what a horrible, ungrateful, unworthy person/parent you are and how badly you hurt your innocent victim/martyr spouse.
Irrelevant are your feelings and emotions. By thinking and planning your divorce strategy with a qualified attorney you will be prepared for battle and to live your life as you choose.
Remember the focal point of his/her narcissistic behavior is the fear of abandonment and threat to his/her self-worth. Be well-prepared for the battle ahead. The key is to not respond emotionally and let it drain you. Observe their behavior as a disorder, and don’t absorb it as a literal or personal attack on you.
If you mitigate for his/her drawn-out narcissistic rage and know that he/she may attempt to destroy you, you will less likely feel bullied or defeated. Be forewarned, you will be less victimized by something you expect.
High Asset Divorces: Divorce Litigation
High Assets Divorces in Texas can be painstaking and involve substantial time and money to properly litigate an individual’s case.
- Original Petition and Temporary Orders
Single most important event for leverage is who files their Divorce Petition first. If you file first you are a Petitioner. A Petitioner receives a crucial benefit in litigation. A petitioner is afforded the opportunity to talk first and last in litigation, sets the tempo of the divorce, and creates the narrative of the litigation. Being a Petitioner is invaluable, thus if you have decided to file you should look to file first.
Temporary Orders are usually, absent emergency relief, the first hearing the Court will have in the case. At temporary orders the Judge will likely attempt to place a Band-Aid on all assets to insure there is not wasting of assets, custody and access of the children are determined, and payments remain the same of any separate or community property assets. Temporary spousal maintenance, exclusive use of property, and injunctions are granted at this hearing. With High Assets this hearing is pivotal in determining how litigation will continue in the future. Every Court is different but multiple additional temporary order may be filed or clarification motions.
2. Discovery Phase and Experts
The discovery phase may be cumbersome and painful. Discovery consists of multiple written questions. These include production questions (asking for documentation), interrogatories (questions require a written notarized response), admission (admit or deny questions), depositions (typically 6 hour cross examination in front of court reporter at an attorney’s office), and inventory and appraisal (sworn list of assets and values of each asset). These process are usually expensive but necessary to prove the amount of the marital estate and the characterization of property.
Experts are also employed at this stage. They are costly but necessary to prove tracing, value of fraud, or overall value of the business. These issue are likely contested, thus the battle of experts continue until the final hearing.
3. Depositions
A deposition is a formal question-and-answer session used in divorce cases to gather information under oath before trial. It typically takes place in a lawyer’s office, where one spouse (the deponent) answers questions from the opposing attorney while a court reporter records everything. The purpose of a deposition is to uncover facts, clarify disputes, and assess how a witness may testify in court. While it doesn’t happen in a courtroom, the statements made during a deposition carry legal weight and can be used as evidence later.
In high-asset divorces, depositions become even more critical because of the complex financial issues involved. Attorneys may ask detailed questions about business ownership, real estate holdings, investments, hidden assets, trusts, and even potential misuse of marital funds. If one spouse suspects the other of concealing wealth, forensic accountants or financial experts may analyze records and testify about discrepancies. The opposing attorney may also scrutinize spending habits, tax returns, and financial disclosures to ensure full transparency.
Because high-asset divorces often involve prenuptial agreements, inheritance disputes, or business valuations, preparation is crucial. A well-prepared spouse will work closely with their attorney to review financial documents and anticipate tough questions. While depositions can feel intense, remaining truthful, composed, and strategic can help protect one’s financial interests and ensure a fair resolution.
4. Mediation
Meditation may occur in the middle or toward the end of the litigation process. A good mediator may range from $2,000.00 to $3,500.00 per side. The mediation process can be difficult and last from a half to more than a full day. Some mediations go for 14 to 15 hours to obtain settlement. Though this is expensive it is still less costly than going to final trial and many outcomes may be obtain by agreement to which a Judge cannot order. The flexibility of mediation makes this process less painful and costly than attending final trial.
5. Final Trial before the Court or Jury
Final trial may be performed solely by a Judge or a Jury of 12 peers. Only 10 of 12 Jury members are needed to find in favor of either party. A Jury trial is more expensive, takes more time to prepare, and may be more risky depending on the County. A trial before the Judge is cheaper and may simplify many matters. It is important to know for every 1 hour in Cout it takes more or less 4 hours to prepare.
A jury trial with a minimum of 2 experts and multiple other fact witness should take anywhere from 4 to 7 days. A trial before the Judge for a similar case may take 2-4 days, depending how the judge runs the Court.
There are many trials and tribulations an individual will have to surpass in the Court system if they are getting a divorce and the marriage contained with high assets. It will likely be costly, painful, but necessary. Many other factors such as summary judgements or motions to exclude experts, witnesses, or exhibits may increase fees. It is important to be confident with your attorney and find a firm that has experience with higher assets cases to ensure the flow and strategy of the litigation fulfills your goals.
High Asset Divorce Attorneys in Dallas Texas
Nacol Law Firm P.C.
(972) 690-3333
Children in Distress: What to Do When You Need Emergency Relief
The right to obtain physical possession of a child, the right to obtain temporary relief without prior notice to the other party, and the right to exclude a party from a residence are all special circumstances in which emergency relief may be requested.
A writ of attachment is a court order requiring a child be produced at a particular location at a particular time. It is used in situations where a party is entitled to possession of a child under a court order. It may also be used when an emergency exists and a child is in imminent danger to his or her physical or emotional welfare.
The remedy is extraordinary. As such, specific facts must be alleged to command the court to issue the writ. The writ should be requested only when necessary to protect the welfare of the child.
Section 105.001 of the Texas Family Code provides the court may not render an order, except on a verified pleading or an affidavit which (1) attached the body of a child; (2) takes the child into the possession of the court or into the possession of a person designated by the court or (3) excludes a parent from possession of or access to a child.
Requests for writs of attachment are contained in petitions, motions and applications in suits affecting the parent child relationship and are filed ancillary to other requests. The court must then make a determination as to whether the necessity exists for the writ and the applications are in proper order.
The court issues a writ commanding any sheriff or constable to attach the body of a child and deliver the child to a designated place. That designated place is a location specified by the court who may command that the child be brought to the court or the court may provide a location where the child may be delivered by law enforcement.
Habeas corpus actions are brought when a party claiming a right to possession of a child is seeking the court’s help in getting the child physically turned over to that party. The court shall compel return of the child to the person filing the habeas corpus only if the court finds that the filer is entitled to possession under the order.
If the court fails to compel return of the child, the court may issue temporary orders if a suit affecting the parent child relationship is pending. The court may issues such temporary orders only if the suit affecting parent child relationship is pending and the temporary hearing is set at the same time as the habeas corpus hearing. The court may then enter an order if a serious immediate question concerning the welfare of the child is shown at the temporary hearing.
The court has defined “serious and immediate question” to mean imminent danger of physical or emotional harm that requires immediate action to protect the child. If a right to possession is established, the exception to granting the writ occurs when a serious and immediate question concerning the welfare of the child exists. If the writ is denied after the right to possession under a prior court order is established, the Texas Supreme Court requires the trial court issue a written temporary order containing a finding that there is a serious and immediate question concerning the child.
A serious and immediate question, although often alleged, is rarely found in habeas corpus actions.
A temporary order, when entered, should not be a final adjudication of custody. At a minimum, the temporary order should contain the filer’s temporary rights to possession and should set a further hearing.
Divorce in Texas with a Special Needs Child
Divorces with children are painful and emotional under the best of circumstances, but a divorce with a “Special Needs Child” is usually a very complex and mentally stressful situation for all family members involved.
The main goal in a “Special Needs” divorce is that all decisions affecting a child with disabilities must be in the “Best Interest of the Child.”
What is the “Best Interest of the “Special Needs Child”? Often this is the very reason that the parents are divorcing. The parents cannot agree on the existence of a disability or the best approach needed for care and support for their special needs child. Many times a medical/neutral professional will need to be involved to help the parents transition the new “after” divorce life of the child and parents.
When working with parents of a “Special Needs Child”, our attorneys focus on the most critical issues impacting the child and the family unit.
Some of these important issues are:
- Keeping the relationships between the family members agreeable in making the necessary decisions concerning visitation and transitions between both parents’ homes. You child needs contact with both parents unless there is an abuse or addiction issue or the other parent’s home is an unsafe environment for the “Special Needs” Child.
- Agreed upon health and medical care issues including special therapies to address the child’s needs. Let the child know that both parents are in agreement on the care for the child.
- Special social and recreational opportunities and appropriate educational programs are available for the child and her/his disability and should be agreed upon by both parents, if possible.
- Coordinate structured and regular visitation dates with same place drop off points. Give your child a calendar with visitation dates and let her/him be prepared to visit the other parent.
- Helping the parent to find a support group of family, friends, counselors and neighbors to help your family with your “Special Needs” Child. This help may come in many forms, mental and physical support, financial planning or just a good hug to say “you are ok”.
What is very important in a “Special Needs” Divorce is to realize what is “normal” in most divorces may not be the norm here. There are many important situations that will have to be resolved before the divorce can be finalized. The divorced parents of the “Special Needs” Child will continue to have to work together for what is best for their child.
Other serious considerations to settle:
- The transitions after a divorce on living arrangements and visitations for the child. It will be difficult to use a standard visitation schedule and a special parenting plan will have to be agreed upon to meet all of the child’s needs.
- The divorce decree will have to be custom designed to make sure the needs of the child will be met for the child’s entire life. The final divorce decree may have to be modified for the child’s benefit.
- Be knowledgeable of the financial aspect of your “Special Needs” Child. What type of care will be needed on a daily basis and will one parent have to give up all monetary benefits from employment outside of the home to take care of the child.
- List all expenses of raising this child: medical costs, food for special nutritional diets, special medical equipment needed for use of child, special schooling and transportation needs. This is very important to make sure the needs of the child will be met.
- Spousal Maintenance/Alimony: this amount must be worked out to ensure the caregiving parent will be able to afford all need of the child and their household. Many times this parent will not be able to work out of the home because of the constant care for the child. This will usually continue for the entire life of the child, so the divorce decree will have to reflect this continued support and cost of living changes.
When choosing a qualified lawyer for your “Special Needs” Divorce, it is important that the lawyer is familiar with what is involved with this type of divorce and understands the importance of tailoring a custom decree that will fit the best interest of the child and family situation for the duration of the child’s existence. It won’t be easy, but if the parents will work together, it can be achievable!
Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Spouse? Strategies when dealing with your Narcissist Ex
You are finally divorced from your Narcissistic Spouse! Now you are embarking on your new family situation with your Narcissist Ex: Co- Parenting! You are probably wondering how you became the lucky person who gets to experience this mind-altering situation along with other people you love the most: your children!
Let’s review what is Narcissistic Personality Disorder or ‘NPD”? It is a mental disorder where the person has a very transparent and superficial inflated self-esteem and neurotic needs for admiration and special treatment from other people. Typical arrogant behavior and lack of empathy for other people causes many problems in all emotional areas of their lives and relationships. Narcissists are usually very aggressive with impulsive tendencies, dangerous lifestyles involving cockiness, selfishness, manipulation and power motives. These individuals may appear as very exciting personalities at first meeting, but at the end of the day are unfulfilling and destructive. This false sense of entitlement produces a feeling that causes them to punish those who do not provide their required respect, admiration, or attention.
One of the biggest personal disappointments in Co-Parenting with your Narcissistic Ex is that often you are as unsuccessful as you were in marriage with the ex-spouse.
Children cannot and do not offer the continuous positive feedback narcissist parents crave and the parent will often react in one of two ways. W. Keith Campbell, an expert on narcissism and professor of psychology at The University of Georgia, offers that “some lose interest in their children entirely and look for other sources of validation”. “Others view their children as a reflection of themselves and become hyper-involved and controlling. Disconnection is the key, even an overly narcissistic parent is emotionally detached and lacks warmth.”
Eminent psychologist E. Mavis Hetherington In her landmark book, For Better or For Worse, highlights the results of her study of 1,400 families and the importance of examining the type of conflict children experience. She notes high conflict that involves the child is physically violence, threatening or abusive conduct and conflict in which the child feels caught in the middle, causing the most adverse consequences for children. These effects include anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Some Strategies when dealing with Co-Parenting with your Narcissist Ex
- Limit your contact with your Ex. Contact should only involve information or issues concerning your children. Email or Text as much as possible. When you have the child, make the rule, “Unless an emergency, no contact will be made verbally until the child goes with the other parent. Try not to talk directly to the other parent when the children are present.
- Don’t Respond immediately or to everything (Hold that trigger response when children are present!) Also commit to a 24-hour turn around on all communications to and from your Ex!
- Make sure that you have a structured parenting plan in place that is very specific concerning schedules of visitation, holidays and vacations to help to minimize conflict. Also, if necessary, secure the help of professional counselors, lawyers, or therapists who can help the children and yourself to cope with the Narcissist Parent.
- Control your behavior and your triggers! Your ex-spouse knows you very well and knows how to press a trigger to make you look like the “Crazy “parent. This situation was continuous during the marriage and has continued in your Co-Parenting period. You are the adult and your children are watching your behavior concerning how they react to their other parent.
- Be the PARENTAL ROLE MODEL for your children. Show your children through your actions that you only have their best interest as your top priority. Control your behavior toward your narcissist ex and never bad mouth the other parent in front of the children.
- Do not tolerate abusive/demeaning behavior from your Ex to either you or your children. You must be the “adult” and protect your children. If your children are afraid to go visit this parent or after a visit, the kids come back with bruises, breaks or a more serious medical problem, get professional help to stop this type of abuse. If you truly feel that this narcissist parent is abusing the child, do not continue to send the child back to this parent. Contact an attorney who can help you to keep your child safe.
- Last by not least do not care what other people think! This is your life and you are the only parent who can control and protect your child against the Narcissist Parent. Life is hard and people are not perfect. When your children grow up and are responsible parents, this will be your award for being there to care and protect them from parental harm.
The Nacol Law Firm P.C.
NACOL LAW FIRM P.C.
8144 Walnut Hill Lane
Suite 1190
Dallas, Texas 75231
972-690-3333
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Attorney Mark A. Nacol is board certified in Civil Trial Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization
